The Complete Idiot's Guide for Dummies

I love these books. I have several 'Complete Idiot's Guides' and 'for Dummies' books related to business and some other topics, even philosophy. I started this blog with the idea that I would list a few comical titles that I'd like to see. But, I think some the actual titles are actually pretty funny. Check these out:

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Improving Your IQ
Would the appropriate audience understand why they need this book?

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Dealing with Difficult Employees
Any chance these 'difficult employees' are complete idiots?

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Understanding Intelligent Design
OK. The scholars are giving us a hard time. Who else can we target?

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Understanding the Brain
Required Prerequisite: The CIG to Improving Your IQ.

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Pleasing Your Woman
Really now. Is this even possible?

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Pleasing Your Man
All you really need is the cheat-sheet inside the front cover.

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Tae Kwon Do
Oh great! Now he'll be completely dangerous, too.

Snort for Dummies
It' snot what you're thinking.

Pregnancy for Dummies
Doh! Should have read 'Contraceptives for Dummies' first.

Charcoal Companion Grilling Burgers for Dummies Book/Flipper Set
Bad marketing. Husbands won't read it. (Who needs instructions?) And the last thing they want is criticism from an informed wife about this manly-man task.

World History for Dummies
This should be required reading for those entering politics. Obviously, it isn't. (Ouch!)

Chemistry for Dummies
No thanks. I'm waiting for the actual 'Chemistry Set for Dummies'.

Cable & Satellite Wiring Kit For Dummies
Gee! After this, I'll upgrade my household current to 200 amps!

Stretching For Dummies
This is dumb. Anything is a stretch for dummies!

Infertility For Dummies
Isn't this a good thing?

Religion For Dummies
Uh, no. Bad idea.

Spirituality For Dummies
Much better.

Dating For Dummies, 2nd Edition
Now I feel better. The author didn't get it right the first time either.

Sex For Dummies, 3rd Edition
Let's try again. The train goes in the tunnel...

Now it's my turn. Here are some titles I'd like to see:

• The Complete Idiot's Guide to Reading a Good Book (For crying out loud!)
• The Complete Idiot's Guide to Using Your Turn Signal While Driving
  
• The Complete Idiot's Guide to Knowing When They Are Making Fun of You
  
• Being President of the United States for Dummies
• Car Crash Test Jobs for Dummies
• txt msg'g 4 dumez
  

Now it's your turn. What are some CIG or FD titles you'd like to see? (For help on leaving a comment, see http://help.blogger.com/bin/answer.py?answer=42399&topic=8921.)

Once in a 'blue moon' is... next week!

Be careful of the term you use to describe the frequency of which you do something. Of course, when I say 'you' I mean 'I'. I might say, 'Ah! I only go shopping at the mall once in a blue moon'. (I'm male, check my profile.) But it really means that I go more frequently than I actually do.

I was not aware that the second of two full moons on consecutive nights is called a 'blue moon'. Nor was I aware that they are really not that uncommon. Live and learn.

www.space.com/spacewatch/070525_ns_blue_moon.html

I guess I'll have to switch to another term, as in, 'Yeah, right. I'll hit the mall again when the cicadas come out'. Doh! That's happening soon in the Midwest. Hmmm.... Anyone know how often hell freezes over?

Beginning Anew

I cleaned up the posts that were irrelevant and out of date. (Most of the ones that remain are out of date but still relevant.) I had recently decided to revive the original blog with greater focus, and to invite more requests for participation. Please read the introduction for this blog and let me know what you think. Your input, questions, and comments are very welcome.

Mojo Filter

What's bigger than a cigarette filter and smaller than a pool filter?

A what? What's a mojo filter? Not even Wikipedia knows for sure! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mojo) Who said it had to be a filter? Don't let the title fool you. There are many things between those sizes. In fact, there are too many things that correctly answer that question.

And that's how I'm starting to feel. I've got too many things to do. You know what that means? I got my priorities mixed up with my fantasies. Should I call them my "priorasies," or my "fantities?" My goals and objectives have turned into gobs. My chores and my tasks have become chokes. It's absolutely nonless! (That's nonsense and hopeless. Catching on?)

Oh!! What should I do? What should I do? ...I know - I'll go to sleep! G'night!

Early to bed, early to rise, makes the mundane seem like surprise.

"Listen to your gut!"

I've heard it before. When it comes time to make a tough, long lasting decision, with potentially dire consequences, the gut knows best. But, why is that supposed to be good advice? What wisdom is in my gut that supersedes that which (I humbly presume) is in my head? What is my gut? (I glance down at my lower chest, then my belly-button. I'm not impressed.) How and when does my gut speak to me? Surely, those who would offer the sage insight must be implying more than just the random gurgling and growling sounds of churning air that accompany hunger in an otherwise quiet room. I don't "get" what I should listen for, yet...

I do, however, feel my gut. When I am aware of them, I notice that my stomach muscles are very sensitive and respond to stress by tightening up. (Ironically, when I am aware of these muscles, I also realize how seldom I experience this awareness.) Health nuts suggest I breathe from my stomach muscles, like an infant would, and not from my chest. This often takes conscious effort on my part. (What an oxymoron - it takes effort to relax!) However, it's not enough to change my breathing pattern as I become aware of it. I must understand why the pattern changed to begin with.

My tendency is to breathe from my chest, and not my stomach, when I am feeling any stress. I'm feeling stress when I'm excessively relying on my thinking - when my brain is overwhelmed with information, questions, or contradictions. Listening to my gut is rather a matter of becoming aware of my gut's reaction to stress. Once I have the awareness that my gut feels tight, I can ask myself why.

I frequently perceive that this world is spinning faster than I was created to process. A tight gut indicates that I am responding to real stress. I can't just use my awareness to change my breathing pattern because the moment I become unaware my gut tightens up again. The operative word is reaction. My gut is not thinking and speaking on its own. It's reacting to stress signals from my brain. I must change my thinking.

The first step is to slow down. Only then can I attempt to simplify the complex, organize the chaotic, rationalize the illogical, and pursue a topic with a healthy curiosity. The next step is to follow through. Process the stressor. Muscles have memory. That's why musicians can improve with practice. It's also why my gut tightens again if I am reminded of an unresolved stressor. The reaction is automatic unless one of two things change: 1) either the reaction is retrained (which is really impossible: it just moves the reaction elsewhere in my body), or 2) the stressor is resolved and ceases to cause the reaction.

How do we process the stressors in our lives? By being truthful about them. So many bad habits and discomforts are tolerated because they seem less painful than the truth. In fact, we often bury the truth with busy-ness or surrender. "I like this job; it keeps me busy." "That's just the way I am." The absolute truth is that we are lonely, discontent, impatient, angry, etc.

The problem is that this world does not offer a safe haven to express the truth. It robs us of our chance to truly come alive. We must transcend the world. How? We can't propel ourselves into a safe haven. Counseling may help temporarily. But, in reality, we're stuck in the muck and mire of what's familiar and natural for us. We must be completely drawn out of it and given a new nature. Life itself is the reward. We only need to let ourselves be drawn. There is Someone who loves us and wants to give us that life. Why do we so arrogantly resist His advances and stubbornly cling to our gravestones? Why don't we listen to our guts?

John 8:32 and you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." (ESV)

Writing, for sure

How do I know when my writing is done?
Is it meant to be work, or meant to be fun?

I love to write, when I do I feel free,
Exposing my thoughts for all to see.

It just isn’t work, it’s more like play,
Like hopping and skipping with what I say.

What about poetry with its rhythm and rhyme?
It can change my emotion if I give it some time.

Writing is fun and it makes me happy,
Even if rhymes are weak and crappy.

When I’m not writing I’ll venture to read.
Books sprout with ideas that start from a seed.

I’ve learned to not tell a book by its size,
I won’t know ‘til I read it if it’s useful or wise.

I watch my own seeds grow into a plant.
Knowing I can and not saying, “I can’t.”

With TLC my plant will mature.
It’ll grow handsome and tall, that’s for sure.

==================================

Imagination is more important than knowledge. - Albert Einstein

'Scuse me, your theme's showing.

Theme? What theme? These blogs are themeless!

I asked a few friends if they looked at my blogs at all. Some did. (Yeah!!) One guy said there was no apparent theme. I wouldn't be free to let my mind wander if I had to be concerned with a theme. Yeah, I know - I said I'd give more examples of puns and stuff as suggested in my first blog here. But, Hey! I'm looking for a job, you know. I have to get my priorities straight. This blog is neither my resume nor my portfolio of writing material.

Actually, a few exciting things are happening on the career front. First, I'm learning - big time - about starting a small business. I mentioned that I was researching a few franchises. I'm also researching two other ideas. The tangible and immediate one is the purchase of another business: a coffee house (which is not a franchise). The other is real estate investing. Believe me, I know there are a lot of "experts" who would love to teach me their methods for only "x" dollars per lesson/month/year (whatever). But, I've heard from individuals who have actually made a go of it and are very happy with the results.

The Internet Consulting franchise has me thinking that this would be a great business - if it were a little more mature. It needs name recognition. It's too early for a newcomer like me to spend years fighting to make this thing successful. Also, the business model seems to highly favor the base corporation. A franchisee, however, has to work very hard and very long to make it a feasible cash-flow business. One example is that they sell non-exclusive, geographical territories. If the area does well, there's nothing stopping them from selling more franchises in my area. It's not even "my" area. It sounds like I buy the right to increase market share for the corporation.

So what if I drink decaf! I like coffee. There. That's my theme - coffee!