Ask the right question

What does God want me to do? This is a huge question for me. I want to be sure I'm not hearing my earthly father's voice in the back of my head.

He was a diver and a diving coach. I was his student. I didn't know if I wanted to be. He gave me little choice. He was a business owner. In that regard, he left me alone. He didn't teach me about being in business. I've struggled in life on two fronts.

The mixed message I got from him was that I could be a good student if I disciplined myself to perform drills and listened to the experts. But, I could not be a good leader because someone else would always be better than me. As a result, I often gave up before I tried, or if I get too far ahead.

What does God say? Die to my sinful nature and live in Christ. Seek first the kingdom of God and all these things will be added to you. I can do all things in Christ who strengthens me. Pray without ceasing. And so on. I must live by the Spirit until it becomes natural to live by my spiritual nature.

How is that freeing? Does it simply repeat the pattern with which I struggle?

I think I want to succeed, in a worldly sense, so that I don't have financial worries. I would have freedom with my time, and so contribute to the advancement of His kingdom on earth by the riches of my wealth.

Oddly, however, it is not the prosperous man I admire. I may envy him for a duration, but I always get back to my heart. I admire the starving artist, the rebel who chased his passion despite the opposition and distractions in his midst.

Jesus humbled Himself as a man, becoming obedient even to death on a cross because His passion was to do His Father's will. His Father was different than my father. He didn't seek worldly wisdom, riches, or even approval.

Perhaps my question should be, do I want what He wants? Who knows? Maybe my idea of success falls far short of what He has planned for my life. I want this. I want purpose, direction, focus, and passion. His will is in His word, Scripture, not the business or self-help section of an online book store. If I want adventure, I can follow the unknown and trust He has only the best in store for me. But, am I willing to love Him? Do I have to give up being me? Who am I anyway? Whose am I?

No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money. (Matthew 6:24)